life / wedding brain

Wedding Brain Update: What I’m learning

Oh man…I daily get asked “how’s the wedding planning going?”

“Ugh… I’d rather poke my eyes out with a dull pencil” I reply.

Most people have NO idea how to circumvent my complete dislike of wedding planning…so they usually smile awkwardly and then say something polite and positive like “oh, but you’ll love it soon enough” or “it’s such a magical day, it will all work out” or “don’t stress so much about money, remember to cut corners where you can.”

I still hate wedding planning. BUT I have learned stuff about myself along the way which I think helps to shed light into why I abhor it SO much.

  1. I have a deep fear of not having enough food for people..and due to that I over-cater and could feed any army. I also want everything on the menu. In fact, as Jenna wrote, I’m more consumed with and per-occupied with getting the right food, then caring about the right dress or flowers, or shoes, or candles. I watch so many “Four Weddings” episodes to know that I don’t want to spend stacks of money on crappy food, or get my guests boozed up without enough food. Then you have to worry about the gluten free, dairy free, vegan, vegetarians…gah!
  2. Wedding dress shopping makes me stressed out. Too many options. Too many choices. They’re, for the most part, really uncomfortable, expensive, and hot. In saying that, if you wanna get over some body image/privacy stuff, go try wedding dresses on. I pranced around the dressing room bra-less and in panties.
  3. Flowers. Don’t get my started on flowers. Seriously people. I know that flowers are important, but seriously!!!!! Average is around 2,000.00. They get thrown in the bin!!! (I am going to see if I can donate mine to local nursing homes afterwards)
  4. It’s just not my thang!

That is my usual list of “why I’d rather poke my eyes out with a dull pencil” tirade when people prod deeper into why I vehemently loathe wedding planning.

But, I’m learning something deeply important…to let things roll. When I look at the list of things which cause me stress it normally revolves around my idea of perfection (or my innate genetically passed down ability to choose the priciest thing), my engrained obsession at times with control over weight or my need to make everyone happy.

What wedding planning has helped me see is that I’ll be the size that I am, when I am, where I am, on the date. That being married to Andrew at a size 4,6,8,10 or 24 isn’t going to impact upon my overall happiness. It’s how I carry my soul into that day. It’s what radiates.

More importantly..and as I wrote on Facebook this week “I’m respectfully deciding not to seek approval”. That’s HUGE for me. I care what others think, but unless you want to play cat-n-mouse with everyone in your life..and you have endless budgets to cater to others suggestions to this-that-and-the-other..you have to learn to smile, nod, and let it roll off your back. You also have to learn how to be comfortable with putting your foot down.

So I guess wedding planning hasn’t been all that bad. When you’re forced to make decisions about WHAT YOU REALLY WANT..you realise how trivial and unnecessarily overwhelmed one can get if you loose track of who you are, and what you desire as a couple.

I’ll change my mind about the whole “I hate wedding planning” sentiment. I like wedding planning. It’s helping me grow a back bone, a sense of self, removing panic, and solidifying what Andrew and I want.

Bring on dress shopping. It’s either a ball gown or a tight lace number..but I want satin buttons.

Mish xo

5 thoughts on “Wedding Brain Update: What I’m learning

  1. On the flowers front – we have always done flowers at parties so that the big arrangements got donated / taken home by people, and the table flowers were either in pots (to live on and get replanted) or in small vases, as a table gift to a lucky person at the table. I think donating is a wonderful idea.

    And I too didn’t like the planning – we planned ours in 3 months which helped get rid of that despair feeling of having to do stuff – there was no time to put it off or to elaborate or ruminate. Soon it will all be over though, and you just have to enjoy the day!

  2. My answer: make your future husband do it. And don’t buy flowers, gifts for guests, centrepieces, etc. And remember that it’s the love that’s important! At least, that was my solution ;-)

    P.S. Those flowers cost as much as my entire wedding!

  3. Mich, even if you had an endless budget you are not going to please everyone. The only people that you should aim to please is Andrew and yourself! When you really think about it you are the only ones to remember anything in detail. Everyone else will go on with their lives and not really think about your special day the way you guys will. Don’t over think the little things. At the end of the day this day is yours and yours alone!!!

  4. Pingback: Wedding Brain Update: Creating Wedding Website, Invites & More | Eating Journey

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