Today I got some great news…I topped one of my units.
I can fit into jeans I haven’t been able to fit into for two years.
….I have HUGE choices to make in the next couple of months.
….I have been opening my heart up more and more.
….I am putting pressure on myself.
….I teeter on being emotionally open and closed-off everyday
….I terrified of the percieved black and white end-results of choices I’ve conjured up
It’s weird when I think about my life. There are moments of being totally carefree and open, splattered with anxiety and what I’d call ‘headf-ing’ moments of future projecting. Whereby the moment that is blissful is robbed of its beauty due to a headspace…instead of a heartspace.
….my go-to solution in times of stress is to diet. to seek perfection….have I not learned?
This week has been weird, interesting, roller-coastering. Job interviews for 1/2 a continent away, friends being amazing, sappy e-mails from my Dad, phone conversations with my sister, and a constant source of light in my life being discovered. It’s all received with open-arms.
….i come to a place in my life where adventure is seemingly being trumped by the idea of finding my own feet. where does my heart finds its wings? where do I feel ‘at home’?
Oftentimes..in the moments of ‘needing to get skinny, so it’s one last bite/bite/bite/bite/bite of cake’ it’s about not listening to what my heart is actually saying.
….i sat in the shower.
It was then that I just stopped. My mind stopped racing.
My heart is saying ‘enjoy the damn moment woman, decisions can be made later. this is how you’ve wanted to feel for such a long time. F— dieting, your gorgeous, you know what you need. Keep adding light to your life. have a bit of faith woman.’
so…for now…i’m following my own advice ‘follow your heart and trust’