life

The Weird Heart Thoughts

It’s an interesting place to realise that you have heaps of doors that you can open and walk through at any given moment…and yet you’re not sure that you want to. That the risk and opportunities missed by going through one door instead of the other is so intense for me right now that it’s consuming.

….but I have to remind myself that it’s exciting.

I sat drinking a coffee today with a book to try and ease my thoughts. “What about this job, what about this option, what about this turn in my life, what about this decision, why did I quit my job and go back to school, why can I make more money catering then working as a trained nurse?”

….swirled, they did.

I suppose it’s that place in your life when you have to step back and realise that if you put it into your heart it will all work out.

….but sometimes I don’t know what’s in my heart.

The boy thought it was a strange question. But he trusted in the old man,  who said that, when you really want something, the universe conspires in your favor. ~The Alchemist

For the first time in my life, I may end up making a decision about my future around a relationship that is arguably new when you look at it on paper. However, it doesn’t feel like it’s new….it feels comfortable, reliable, and genuine.

….perhaps something that’s worth make huge life decisions around.

It’s weird to be raised with the mentality the individual freedom and career is the ‘beez neeze’ for women in the post-feminist world that we live in. Where freedom is calling card for the choices that women feel they are not only able to make…but are entitled to make.

….is making a decision around a man such a bad thing?

At first I freaked. I can’t possibly make a decision about my life and career around a relationship. But then I stopped. What does my heart actually want? It wants to be able to find that balance where love, relationship, life and career strike some sort of balance. When it’s not only just about career or relationship or love…it’s a balance. When I walk out the door to a job that gives me satisfaction and through the door into arms which support me.

….perhaps the post-feminist movement is false
….perhaps it’s about asserting our independence whilst being dependent?

I’m not exactly sure what I think about it to be totally honest. But it’s made me think a lot more with my heart and less with my head. It’s now for me, really discovering what I truly want and not what I’ve been told to want.

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