I finished my degree last Friday. I turned in an assignment and an evaluation packet from my last.prac.ever. I had said good-bye to my 20 students the week before. It was a HUGE week.
Then I went away to my friend’s wedding on Saturday.
It was an amazing experience to share their marriage with them.
I was entranced by the calm of the night.
There were moments during the weekend when I felt like off-balance. I felt hot and then cold. I felt euphoric and then down-in-the-dumps. Our lives are oftentimes precious balances between stress, relaxation, giving and nurturing.
As I sat in the beautiful resort, I was very spoilt, I realised that I was entering a period in my life where I didn’t have an official job for 8 weeks, I didn’t have to take care of 20 students and I didn’t have uni.
I think that for a lot of us thrive and maintain a VERY unhealthy relationship with stress, obligation, and ‘shoulds’ that directly impacts our ability to love. To love ourselves, to love others, to love exercise and to love food. I maybe preaching to the choir, but it has been very clear for me in the past week. The fog has lifted.
I remember going on a long walk on the beach to clear my mind. I realised that the moments of true giving, of true affection for others, were in the moments when I had true love and true affection for myself.
I think A LOT of us, including myself, go through life ‘loving’ food, exercise and others..out of obligation, being scared of not doing so and become evaporated from what it really means to love. It really starts with you…it does.