I have been in the weirdest place in my life…I haven’t had anything to officially do for six weeks. I have an eight week gap between ending Uni and starting work as a nurse. I have filled my time by working casually at a local restaurant with young travellers who drink more alcohol in a weekend than I do in a year. It’s interesting.
What HAS been challenging is that I have felt as though I have no purpose in life. That I am in the ‘in between’. I feel a bit like I’m floundering. Perhaps it’s that way when you’re whole life is raising kids and then they leave the house and you’re an empty-nester. You feel as though your purpose is gone.
I wallowed yesterday. I did. Not ever gonna lie about it. Then my friend Bekky said to me “stop putting so much energy into it”. It’s true. I can’t spend my whole blissful eight weeks of asking people what they’d like to drink and getting caught upon on ‘Say Yes To The Dress’ and be pissed off with my life. I choose how I live. We all do.
I can wallow or be amazed at feeding wild dolphins with friends
-or- watching wicked sunsets
-or- observing wild kangaroos grazing at dusk
-or- cuddling up to someone special
-or- travelling and basking in the bliss of two girls who are on life with their life
-or- sitting on the boat and realising that you feel free
It is interesting in my processing of my past struggles with food and who I am becoming. I do think that much of my way of escaping my need to BE with life was to fill it with as much as I could. Being totally flat-out because I felt as though I had no purpose unless I was over-extended and doing. The interesting thing, is that I am doing things…and the purpose is to just be.