(laying in bed after a three hour sweaty shift at the restaurant)
“Baby, I need to go and write a blog post. I need to cry and just write”
“Why are you going to cry?”
“Because I feel like I need to just let out the stuff that’s in my heart and just be at peace with food, body, everything. I think that the post from the other day stirred some stuff up but I am ready to move on.”
“Why can’t you move on? Why isn’t your heart totally where you want it to be?”
(paused. laid there with a sleepy man who I had woken up and tears came. why am I not there?)
“I don’t know why I’m not there. Maybe it’s because I feel like I don’t have anything other thing to worry about. I feel like I should stay skinny for you, or at least worry about it.”
“Baby, I love you just the way you are and I don’t think you need to change.”
(cue tears. sobs. this.is.where.I.am.going.for.myself)
“Baby, I do love you. But can you please invest in some waterproof mascara because you cry so much and I cop it all the time with your mascara all over my chest. I’m serious.”
And that is why I feel safe. protected. loved. with un-clipped wings.
In the silence of our hearts, we can answer the ‘why’ to why we are not where we want to be. That is where the healing, moving, shaking, peace-offering, change begins.