food recovery / life / relationship

I Blame it on Jewel

 

I was out in the middle of the hills last night for dinner at quite possibly one of the coolest houses I’ve ever been in.

They had the music in shuffle…old-school Jewel came on. We’re talking ‘hands’ from 1998. It’s just the type of music to put you into a reflective mood, one where the true essence of life is right before you.

I became a Christian about 4 years ago. I felt so connected to my faith. Then church happened. I walked away. In the meantime I have struggle with food. Gone on diets, been on detoxes, gained the same 5-10kg numerous times.

I’ve ran away from faith. I equated it with church-goers who to me are caught up in oftentimes ridiculous ideals and social woes. There are also a lot of great people. I can’t stand fake.

Hence, why I just threw my faith into the bathwater of church and threw it out the window. Then as I was immersed in Jewel, I realised that I needed to re-examine it. I needed to sort out where the spiritual connection is to my being. For me that’s through a Christian faith..for you..I have no idea.

As Geneen Roth discusses..it’s about finding your spirit within food, body, life, exercise, etc. It’s so easy to just stuff everything into something that is unconnected. I have felt a weird drive inside of me to document my re-discovering of my faith, how that is impacted by the way I eat, interact with food, people and life. I’m terrified. I’m getting rid of calories, I’m getting rid of rules and just leaning..directly into my faith and prayer/reflection. FUCKING terrified. I’ve never trusted myself, I’ve conditioned myself to distrust myself. Hence why I’m not happy with any progress and hide in old habits.

consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its works do you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. James 1:2-4

I have no idea where this is going to take me or where I’m gonna go. But I’m ready to do the hard work…because the past four years have felt so hard…and I’m ready to work a different way.

~Mish

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5 thoughts on “I Blame it on Jewel

  1. One quote sums it up for me: “God dwells within you, as you yourself, just the way you are.” This is from Eat Pray Love. I have chosen not to label God with any particular religion, but I used to not believe at all…and that disconnect with the spirit within and the spirit outside of me, was the source of a lot of pain.

    • I love that quote. I know that I equated it to a Christian faith…but I do get and totally relish that faith is something totally intrinsic to all of us and it manifests different for each person. Thanks for writing that.

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