I have arrived back at my ‘home’..Oregon.
It has been a complete whirlwind.
With Andrew in tow, as well as my 8 pairs of shoes, I spent 36 hours straight without seeing a bed. Right when I got off the plane, I was able to see almost everyone in my immediate family the day we arrived.
I got to hug my nieces.
Squeeze my Grandma.
Then I was blessed with such an amazing dinner out. (Andrew and I are floored at how cheap the food is…amazing!) I think that I hands down have to give it to Americans for making some of the best cocktails I’ve ever had in my life. Just fabulous.
More though, it stirs up fascinating stuff. When we go back to what we identify with as ‘home’ are recognise that there is some much entrenched in the subtle and subconscious patterns of life that once was. I’m sleeping in the same rooms that I grew up in. I’m currently sitting at 5am (because I couldn’t sleep past 4am) in the living room what I crawled around on the floor with my baby brother.
I rummaged through the panty today and snacked on trail mix and blueberries. It’s weird to try and transcend all of the emotion, memories, etc. which are wrapped up in the coming back to the place where you grew up. It brings about both security and insecurity. I think the whole idea of just letting yourself be where those emotions are and then moving past them to enjoy the present moment is what we’re called to do. It’s a interesting grounding point, when you realise that you’ve moved on in so many ways from the path that would have kept you in one place..and yet you’re so very attached to the path that you leaf behind.
It’s a balance of not only accepting where you actually are, but also the emotional ties to a place, space, people, feeling, and time that is alive today and yet encapsulated in memories. The only thing that I know for sure, is that I have immense faith that God has a plan for me.
I do feel torn between the desire to be close to family, and the life that feels comfortable for me in Australia.
But the more I spend reeling over what could be or what is..only robs me from the intense beauty of the moment.
It does for all moments.
So I’m off to gallivant with my little nieces, laugh with my sister, watch my brother play Friday night football, eat blueberries, talk old war stories with my grandparents, hike mountains, drink coffee, embrace the beauty of my relationship with Andrew and his journey/our journey in coming home.
“Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own” Proverbs 3:5