food recovery / life / relationship

Thought Horses

There has to come a point in all of our lives when we have to get a bit honest, a bit brutal with ourselves.

We have to hold ourselves accountable at some level.

There are times when I feel trapped in my life. I have wanted to be a globe-trotting, world-saving, independent woman who ‘ain’t gonna be tied down by no man!’ kinda girl.

Then I moved to a city that I SWORE I’d never live in. I refer to it as suburbia hell. I wanted to be in a bustling, acute, hospital setting…and I’m not in one.

….and the pissing and moaning thoughts continue…and continue. piss and moan. moan and piss. nothing is ever enough for me. I’m not thin enough, in a job that isn’t acutely intense enough, I don’t get enough sleep, I’m not engage quick enough.

…piss and moan. moan and piss.

There has to be a point where you stop pissing and moaning…or your whole life is a negative replay of the previous months album.

I was having a meltdown last night. My friend was silent on the end of the line and she said to me “this is exactly what you said last month and the month before.”
“I know, but it’s just too exhausting trying to make where I live, what I do, the fact that I’m not engaged, the fact that I can’t seem to lose weight..tolerable.” I said

I drove home. Her words pulsated through my head.

Thoughts can be VERY dangerous inhibiting things. Deeply debilitating and awful.

Yes, the town I live in isn’t like where I used to live…but perhaps there’s more to it then I want to see because I don’t want to even try.
Yes, my job isn’t an acute crazy full-on hospital…but there’s A LOT TO LEARN and the people are awesome. So, be grateful.
Yes, I have issue with food. BUT I have a CHOICE to change my thinking if I want to change. Yes, I’m not engaged…yet. I have a choice to stick with it or not…right now it’s worth it…so calm down woman.

Thoughts are like horses on your carriage of life, be mindful of where you ask them to go.

As a friend on facebook wrote “I’m not about to feel sorry for myself.”



2 thoughts on “Thought Horses

  1. I can so relate. One year ago, I had to leave a place I loved. It’s where I wanted to live until the day I died. A place of snow and beauty in the winter and in the summer, almost never got to the dreaded triple digits and rarely had a hot, HUMID day. I had to move back SOUTH to a state where it almost NEVER snows and it has 3 digit temperatures more months than not and often has high humidity. YUCK! I’ve been pissy and depressed for almost the entire year, even knowing that this is God’s plan and purpose for our family. A friend challenged me to find 3 things to be thankful for every day. THREE???? That’s pushing it! 🙂 I’ve always been a rebel. But I have been able to find 2 every day this month so far. Maybe try one? Think of one thing in your life every day that is good and be grateful for that. I’m faking it until I make it. It’s worth a try. (Followed you here from Mizfit’s blog) 🙂

    • I am going to start a grateful journal. So much of my journey has been on the negative focus of life. It’s amazing how much a mindset can change how you view everything in life.

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