It’s all over the web, facebook and morning break conversations….”I gotta start eating better. Christmas did me in.”
I’ve even said it.
As I wrote before, this year I’m not counting calories, points, Paleo diets, No sugar diets, GF/Dairy free diets, vegan diets, fruit only, Fat free dairy…I’m doing none of it. None of it. I’m just eating what I want, when I want it, how I want it.
I know. Right? I mean how can one simply live a life where you eat what you want, stop when you’re full and know you’re body well enough to know how it feels after eating a certain meal…and respect that. Simple..right?.
What I’ve come to realise in the past couple of weeks, for myself, after 10+ years solely looking at dieting to solve my issues..is that it doesn’t work for me anymore. Dieting doesn’t address the fundamental and powerful triggers, thought patterns and brain wiring of why someone over/under eats. It makes it about external obsession and control. Been.there.done.that. When I had enough of it, I ate…30lbs of it back…because I didn’t have the tools anymore to deal with my head stuff. Counting, weighing, obsessing only made my head worse, because it was bigger than restriction.
I have REALLY been thinking A LOT about my motivations for eating certain things. I can’t tell you how many times “I’m giving up gluten/sugar/snacking after work/ice cream”…thousands. In fact, that song and dance of ‘giving it up tomorrow’ or ‘this is the last time’ is exactly what feeds binges and perpetuates my brain alignment with destructive eating patterns.
So something has to change….and it can’t be the food’s fault. It HAS to come down to how I think about food, my relationship with food, and my thought patterns.
Instead of thinking about calories, points, pounds to loose..my whole thought now is to be present with my behaviour with food. To be more align with what I know my heart desires. To unwind the shame, the secret, the hiding of my eating. To stop throwing stuff away in my house ‘because I just can’t have it here’. To deal with the little tinge of excitement I get when Andrew goes to sleep and I get to eat in front of the TV by myself.
For my it’s actually not about food at all, it’s about how my brain works. How I think. How I interact. What I’m actually wanting.