faith / food recovery / life / relationship

G-R-A-C-E

What happens if we love the life that we’re in?
What if we jump around the street in a complete sense of moment of gratefulness?

This weekend has been full. It’s been fun-on pulling weeds. There’s something about walking around with dirt under your nails, a constant reminder of sweating for 1.5 hrs in 100+ degree heat, at 4:00pm…but I have weed-free flowerbeds and that makes my heart happy 🙂

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Admire the crazy cat who sleeps, without fail, in the computer chair for 4 hours stints (I swear that I’ll come back as a cat.)

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Loving the shirt that was sent to you as a Christmas present (I know that it maybe trivial matching)

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Loving my new high-waisted blue skirt. A true steal for 30.00, people clothes in Australia are VERY expensive.

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But there are times when I ask myself..am I really enjoying this moment? So often I’ve wallowed. I’m an internal pessimist. I am oftentimes waiting for the ‘shit to hit the fan.’. Perhaps in a self-fulfilling prophecy or perhaps when things go well I’m relieved. I blame it partially on being a product of farming. Harvest could have always been a little better. Honestly, life could always be a little better.

I opened up my YouVersion bible and the daily reading was this

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It stuck with me. I don’t have to be a pessimist anymore. It’s all part of the softening of my heart, truthfully. It’s all about feeling grace within my heart.

I was in church today and the pastor was speaking about the notion of Grace. God’s grace, in particular. I have always asked for God’s grace, especially when I’m down, struggling, wanting more, wanting more patience in my life, dealing with the burdens of my food issues.

“What about God’s grace when life is going well? Do you actually celebrate and honour God’s grace in your life when you’re on top of the mountain enjoying life?”

I sat and pondered. Do I? Do I honour God’s grace and seek to enjoy it when life is going well?

  • Do I reflect upon the shear amount of movement I’ve made in my own undoing of my food/body image/intimacy issues?
  • Do I celebrate that I’m excelling in my career?
  • That I have a man who cherishes me for who I am, even when the ugly comes out?
  • A family who is so freaking proud of me, they gloat?
  • A family who sends us Peeps and Christmas ornaments and popping reindeer figurines?

Do I celebrate God’s grace? Do I seek and praise where he has or is working in a positive and life-changing way?

And that’s not all. We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. Romans 5:2

I’m always the person who is has the soul that flails around in the negative. The need to be more connected. To be more ‘Christian’. To be more connected. To be more at peace. Etc. get it? Always seeking more grace to enable me to be more of something. I think that the idea of Grace, even in the non-Christian sense, is one that has be delicately balanced between seeking in shite times and really acknowledging how freaking awesome it is when you’re doing fabulous in life.

Life can throw us curve balls. Life can be cruel and hard at times. But the idea of celebrating and holding onto grace is a weird notion for me to accept. And yet, I want to. I want to throw my damn arms open and say  

“I got cracks, ugly parts. BUT I’m so damn thankful that I’m where I am, surrounded by the people I am, and knowing that this is all to do with the GRACE I’ve been given to move from where I’ve been and never return.”

 Can we all get a Grace-Filled-High-Fived-Amen?

Mish xo

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