This time last year I had moved to a place, where I knew only one person..the boy I was chasing.
Before I started nursing, I took up a job as a waitress during the blistering summers heat of Australia…our uniform was black. Lucky for that, because it didn’t show the immense sweat stains from the daily lunch-time shifts we endured.
I set into being a nurse. In a place I didn’t know anyone. In a profession, that now didn’t require anyone to follow behind me to sign medication charts or double-check my care..as was the case for the past two years as a student.
We set out doing stuff to the house. My internal desire to throw things away and live as clutter free as possible kicked in. Poor Andrew, he endured. (we now have four functional bedrooms, 1 VCR player and 1 hard-drive).
A lot of discussion about where our relationship was going. A lot of feelings boiled up and over in the last year…mainly due to my own insecurities when it comes to relationships, my need for answers now, and a cultural expectation of relationships moving quickly, swiftly and permanent on a much faster time-frame than most Australians.
I wanted to be somewhere other than I was.
That’s what lead me to eat pans of brownies, pieces of toast after pieces of toast, late-night-cold-thai-food snacks infront of the TV. I wanted to blame others, places, or circumstances for my constant desire to be anywhere other than where I was. It was something I learned from an early age. I learned how to escape. It was how I coped.
We’ve been talking a lot about future planning. Both of our desires to move out of suburbia and into a bit more land. We’d even discussed the idea of compromising land for a dinky house so future whipper-snappers could run around outside and not just be raised on plastic slides on a pre-determind playground. We talk a lot about plans, futures, years from now, savings, our hopes/dreams/desires.
Then it hit me. I’m ok where I am today.
I’m ok where I am today. I’m ok where I am today.
Perhaps it’s age, or the impeding big 3-0, or the fact that we’ve both settled more into our relationship, or that I’ve cut back on sugar, which makes my brain cloudy when I’m on it, or that I’ve found a new church that I like, or that I’m just becoming happier and more content with who I am, or that I’m 29 days scale/diet free.
Whatever the case, I’m ok with who I am, where I am, and what I’m doing today. I think that is the true essence of life, really. To be where you are and enjoy. It doesn’t mean that you become a stagnant log in the pond, rather someone who is able to capture and appreciate where grace has taken you.
So I keep this song on repeat, relish my cats chasing butterflies in the mornings, and knowing that I will be planted where I’m supposed to.