What happens if you aren’t what people think that you should be?
That is a question that I’ve been asking myself. What would happen if I just did what I wanted and not require a constant stream of affirmations and approvals. I’m 29 and still seek my parents approval, like the little girl that wanted to be perfect at school so her parents wouldn’t have anything more to worry about.
I did what I thought other people thought I should do. I actually did more then many would conceive because I wanted to prove that I COULD do more, that I somehow I could jump on top of their expectations and be more in their eyes.
I’m a product of the post-feminist movement which encapsulates women in the ‘can do it all’ of the modern century. We are able to get two masters degrees in four years, by golly I can even go get sperm from a man I’ve never met and have a baby if I want. I CAN DO IT ALL (and more). I can even bake cupcakes, clean floors, cite written papers with the most up-to-date sources, wear 6″ heels and shot a gun. I CAN DO IT ALL (and more).
I have as many choices as the local supermarket does in America. 35 flavours of icing. Debilitated by choice. Whipped around in a world that gives so many options and creates such high external expectations, that the definition of ‘me’ and what I should be are swirled around until everyone’s head spins.
But one of the most important choices I think we can make…is to choose to love who you are.
I actually want to focus on how to fall in love with and discover who I AM. I’m externally confident, I know my way around things, I’m competent in my job…but there’s something which I think many people forget…and that’s themselves.
I know that sounds absolutely silly. Like, wtf Michelle haven’t you figured out who you are, what your heart desires, and and where you want to go? Haven’t you fallen in love with yourself, to the point that you can unequivocally know what you want?
no. I haven’t.
I have been thinking about this notion a lot. Who am I really? It was catapulted this morning after reading comments on this girl’s blog, because people don’t think that what she likes or how she’s blogging is what she should be doing. She’s evolved as a blogger and people are back-lashing, because their idea of who she is…is no longer congruent. All I could think was..thank GOD someone is who they really are.
I don’t think that all that I’ve accomplished, or that we’ve accomplished, is in vain or irrelevant. I think that we all come into our own at different times. I also think that our definitions of self do and should change. But I think a core foundation of self-discovery outside of external forces is healthy even if it means being someone that others think you shouldn’t be.