I remember the day I was baptised
This weekend I decided to get baptised. At church. In my dress.
There are moments in all of our lives, spiritual or not, where we feel a pulsating pull to do something. A spontaneous moment where nothing rational enables us to synthesize what we are doing. However, we know in our heart it’s right.
One of the reasons why I always steered clear of churches, is because I felt that they were full of narrow-minded, out-of-touch people. I had never gone to a church that I liked before. Fuddy-duddies…as I thought. I had gone to mass at my uni, intermittently, but never became catholic.
Then I was introduced to church by a co-worker which changed my life. My heart was jaded, my soul was aching. It was such a pivotal moment in my life and I’m grateful that the way in which she approached me and faith wasn’t a blatant Evangelical avalanche of fire-and-brimstone. It was a friendship, much like Jesus.
I had my alter call and three months later I was baptised. I hadn’t even planned on going that day, honestly. They were doing baptisms, we were in worship. I don’t really know how to describe it to people, but it’s like the holy spirit grabs your heart and pulls it. It drags it to where it needs to be…right.now! I knew that in that moment that I HAD to walk up, IN MY DRESS, totally unprepared to be baptised.
I just remember feeling as though that was right where I needed to be. I was emotional. I needed to be in that moment, I needed to start a new journey for myself. It did.
I jumped straight into church. Got involved with a group of young-older adults and learned very quickly that perhaps I wasn’t like everyone else. I didn’t have a religious background to lean upon…many of them were products of Christians families. What I realised is that I was different. I saw things differently, things/ideas which were important for them…I found trivial at times.
I took a break from church for over 2.5 years. I walked away from it all after about a year of being immersed in church. I just couldn’t do it. I felt stifled, I felt as though I had boxes to tick in other’s eyes, I found that I couldn’t talk about certain things because they were taboo.
That’s not me!
One thing that I’m loving about having daily devotionals on.my.own.time is that what I get to forge is a TRUE sense of relationship with my OWN faith for MYSELF. At the end of the day it’s your own relationship with your faith, beliefs, which define your heart direction. It’s NOT about what others think that you should be doing, what others think a Christian/Muslim/Mormon/Atheist looks, talks, dresses, acts like. The thing which I have learned to appreciate is my own understanding of who I am in my own skin.
I’m not a follower in the purest sense. I take charge of my life. I do what I want, say what I think, and I LISTEN to others. I’m not someone who is a ‘happy clappy everything is rosey pink’ kinda girl. I’m a thinker, a critical analyzer, I’m a follower of Jesus, I’m not a cookie cutter Christian and quite frankly I don’t want to be. I don’t want to loose my atheist friends, I don’t want to loose site of my conservative base either. I don’t want to loose the beautiful peace I have with my faith, because it’s one which has been forged by my own doing and filtering of other’s journeys. At complete willingness to keep what works and let go of things which don’t.
I’m making my own cookie cutter shape. My very own. We all should be.
I’m proud that I took a break. I’m proud that I said this isn’t working for my and my faith journey. I’m proud that I’m not a cookie cutter Christian.