I think no matter what you do in life, you have to do what you want.
One thing, that I have to admit to myself, is that my desire to enjoy/overeat/solace in food has been greater then my honest desire to be healthy, emotionally free from food, thin.
The cycle of weight-loss is the most interesting thing. Or maybe mine is just complicated, over-dramatic and convoluted. When I first started I wanted to lose weight because I didn’t want to be an obese parent. Then it cycled into a world where I felt ‘normal’ and it became a bit more vain. It felt easier. Then it was out of desperation.
Then the thought/pressure/cycle of losing weight made me desire food more. It was ALL way to much. The thought of having been dieting for over a decade…and as of late for completely extrinsic reasons..is exhausting. It, indeed, had the counter-effect of the original goal of losing weight. It’s a bit messed up.
What it has to boil down to is the fundamental truth “do you want something more than what you currently have?”
If so, the purest of YES, are you will to let go of how you act/function/behave/address/live life you desire to say YES to..if that means you have to let go of previous patterns?
It’s easy to say that you’ll change, workout, save money, go to church, read instead of watching TV..etc. But in order to make changes in our lives, we have to push the desire for change, YES, higher than the NOW of our lives.
It’s something I have to think about. Am I willing to give up coping with food? Am I willing to stop eating past contentment? Am I willing to stop having ‘cheat’ days where I willingly over-eat because that’s what I did when I dieted? Am I willing to consistently move?
Am I willing to say YES..and change. Is my desire to change greater than the pull of the NOW?
I think that’s the fundamental question for all of us. You can be motivated by guilt, fear, ego, outward appearances. But for true, honest, pure, dramatic change..it has to come from a factor of desire, saying yes, and willingness to change.
I’m asking myself if I’m ready to say YES to change…and I’m being damn honest with myself.